26 Minutes of Forgiveness Meditation from The Monroe Institute

This meditation is no longer available on the Monroe Institute website, but you can click here to go to their homepage and explore what’s available.

Meditation Roadmap

A mix of verbatim transcript and captured essence in my words. My added thoughts are in [braces].

00:00 The nature of forgiveness

Forgiveness is a profound healing process for both parties. The greek word "συγχώρεση," translated "forgiveness," literally means to physically let go of something, to release our grip on something. In forgiveness, this is a mental and emotional letting go. We're releasing the grip our mind has on some past event or occurrence, and the judgments and grievances we're holding. We're releasing our beliefs about how others should have behaved or how they'd done wrong.

When we've been hurt, we make the offending party responsible for making us angry. But when we look more closely, we see that our upset is coming from how we've interpreted their behavior. In truth, we are making ourselves angry by our own interpretation of how they behaved - the story we're telling ourselves about what they've done and how bad they are and how they could have acted otherwise. So it's our judgments we're holding against them that are creating our feelings of anger.

When we hold a judgment, the person we are hurting the most is ourself. We feel bad and create additional suffering for ourself. True forgiveness comes from letting go of the judgments we are holding, releasing the grip they have on our mind. The one thing that can really help this is to put ourself in the other person's position. If we could truly understand their own motives, why they did what they did, what they were thinking and feeling, their fears and pains, the judgments they might have been holding, their own background and conditioning, all the influences in their life that led them to this point in time, then we might begin to understand why they did what they did. [We do not have to agree with or condone what they've done in order to contemplate why they may have done it. Understanding is not agreeing. Understanding is simply understanding.] We can begin to recognize that, although they may not have behaved as we think they should have, they were, in a sense, behaving exactly as they should have, given all the influences that led up to this. We could say it is their own confused state of mind that actually led them to behave this way. If they had seen things differently, they might not have behaved as they did.

The Dalai Lama once said, "the goal of every person is simply peace of mind." Forgiveness begins when we recognize that the person who hurt us was actually wanting exactly what we want. In their own way, they were seeking to be more at peace, to ease their own suffering. But because of their own inner confusion, they set about ways of doing this that interfered with our own attempts to find peace of mind. And so they caused us to be suffering more. So putting ourselves in the other person's shoes develops understanding which leads to empathy and compassion.

Against this backdrop, I offer this simple prayer for forgiveness that stems from the Buddhist tradition. Just let yourself relax and notice how you're feeling, the sensations in your body. Become aware of any tension and soften. Let it dissolve. And as you relax your body, relax your mind also. Enter a deeper state of ease and rest with the sounds you hear in the background. Let these phrases sink into the core of your being. Let them sink into your heart.

07:04 Forgive others for harm they've done to you

If anyone, through their confusion, has harmed me in any way, either knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive them.

10:35 Ask for forgiveness from others for harm you've done to them

If, through my own confusion, I have harmed anyone in any way, either knowingly or unknowingly, I ask for forgiveness.

14:27 Forgive yourself for harm you've done to yourself

For all the ways that my own confusion has led me to harm myself or be unkind to myself, I forgive myself.

17:39 Forgive yourself for not yet being ready to forgive

If there is someone I'm not yet ready to forgive, including myself, I forgive myself for that.

21:30 Closing Prayer of Peace

May I be at peace.
May those I love and cherish be at peace.
May those whom I have judged be at peace.
May all people be at peace.

6 Phase Meditation by Vishen Lakhiani

This 11 minute mediation was created, produced and freely offered on YouTube by Mindvalley's founder, Vishen Lakhiani. Deepest gratitude to Vishen and Mindvalley for this gift to us all. Vishen explains, in this Mindvalley blog post, how this 6 Phase Meditation addresses these six needs in life:

1. Love and Compassion
2. Gratitude
3. Being at Peace
4. Vision
5. Sense of Control
6. Feeling Supported

---

Below is a 35 minute YouTube video that explains its origin and includes the 11 minute meditation. I recommend watching this at least once and meditating the first time from here.

A 15 Minute Mind-Hack to Massively Enhance Your Brain Power and Emotional State. Talk by Vishen Lakhiani at Wisdom 2.0 Europe 2014.

The Connection Cure

Finally! My cell phone screamed, "INCOMING!"
I'd been pacing for twenty minutes waiting for this call, a critical deadline now only fifteen minutes away. I didn't even look at the display.

"Hello! This is Carl."
"Hello, Mr. Godlove. I'm calling from the Childhood Leukemia Founda--"

I cut her off

"I'm sorry. I can't talk right now. I'm expecting a very important call."

Silence...

And then, something I couldn't quite make out.
       Was it, "Ok."?
       Or, "I'm sorry."?

I still don't know exactly what she said, but there was something in her voice that brought me back. More correctly, it brought me into the conversation for the first time. In truth, I was never actually in the conversation until that deafening silence. I had never connected with her. Hers was just a disembodied voice. Nothing she said registered with me from the moment I realized it wasn't "my" call. The one I'd been anxiously expecting.

Unfiltered Truth
This is what we do to people when we are unkind. Worse yet, lacking connection, we don't care!

In a flash, I felt ashamed. Ashamed for how I'd addressed, or didn't address, the human being on the other end of this phone call. Empathy swept through me. I'm still not sure if it was her tone of voice, her words, a combination of both, or something more profound. But I had been delivered a huge dose of regret about how she might feel as a result of my thoughtless interruption and dismissal. I desperately wanted to make amends, and the ensuing silence gave me a moment of panic. Would I get the chance? Had she already hung up?

"Hello? Are you still there?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm here," she replied in a soft, kind voice.
"Oh, I'm so glad. I am so sorry for my careless response. I want you to know that I really am waiting for an important call about a very stressful issue that's put me on edge. I apologize for how I treated you. I don't want you feeling badly because of my bad behavior. You're obviously working for a very good cause. I'm sorry."
She was so gracious and appreciative, pausing for a moment before replying, "Oh, thank you so much. That was so thoughtful."

I left that conversation a month ago with kind closure, but I've been curious and pondering it ever since. Having just facilitated a corporate retreat, I now know why this life lesson came to me when it did. Without human connection, conversation is as likely to result in conflict as it is cooperation, and perhaps more so.

The retreat was filled with sharing. I was engaged for my ability to facilitate the co-creation of a safe space where truth can gently emerge. It was a very organic process where I led from the center and brought the group along with me through my own willingness to be vulnerable. By the end, these beautiful humans were just that. Beautifully connected humans. Titles and roles gave way to bare humanity as they shared what was causing them pain. As it always does, it emerged along a spectrum obeying a counterintuitive truth - the strongest among them shared from the most vulnerable places, allowing their naked truth to be seen.

As the retreat unfolded, it became clear that central to this suffering was the very behavior I exhibited toward the woman on the phone - thoughtlessness fostered by disconnection. In short, a lack of nurture and care for relationships between operating groups spanning large geographic regions. Within these groups, relationships seem generally good. Between groups, not so much. Relationships, genuine connections, are in short supply. Conversation is mostly reduced to disembodied emails. Phone conversations are rare. And face-to-face is nearly non-existent. Truth telling feels risky and remains buried. And it gets worse.

In the same way that my stress produced an incident of thoughtless, rude behavior on my solitary call, ongoing stress in long term circumstances can produce patterns of consistently bad behavior that destroy relationships, or prevent them from ever being forged. Disconnection perpetuates feelings of isolation driven by self-preservation and fear. In a word, survival.

As dire as this sounds, and often is, the cure is as simple as it is messy. Truth telling sprouts from the seeds of trust. And trust is germinated by connection. If you plant and nurture seeds of trust with real human connection, you have a chance for sprouting truth. A chance to discover what is actually standing between you and your goals. Between the existing and hoped-for condition of your organization and its mission. Give people a chance to be real and genuine and to truly connect with one another. Give them a safe space and permission to be vulnerable, and they will begin to respectfully speak their truth. Uncovering this truth is as life-changing for an organization as it is for an individual. And connection is the key. Connection is the cure.

Life is good. My walk with Marshall Goldsmith.

Saturday, March 4, 2017, 7:00am

Pressing the doorbell, I step back and wait.

“Good morning, Marshall! I’m Carl.”

“Welcome, Carl. Come on in. Would you like some coffee?”

“I would! Thanks!”

With that, Marshall Goldsmith walks me to his kitchen. He hands me a cup of coffee, and I hand him a boxed assortment of hand-decorated cookies from my cookie artist wife, Sarah. They bear some of his signature quotes: “Life is good,” “Let it go,” “Be happy now.” They stare up at us from his kitchen island and Marshall smiles as he reads each one.

Marshall (Dr. Goldsmith) holds a PhD from the Anderson School of Management at UCLA, and is a world authority helping already successful leaders get even better. Marshall’s coaching creates positive, lasting change in behavior that benefits both his clients and those they influence. He is a renowned thought leader, business educator and bestselling author with messages deserving translation into twenty-eight languages. In short, there is no better role model or mentor for someone in my coaching profession who intends to have and leave a positive impact on this world. My last post, “Grateful and Curious,” set the stage for my attitude heading into this phase following my twenty years as CEO and more than a decade before that in the global tech world. That mindset made all the difference in my life, career and entrepreneurial pursuits. It also led me to Marshall and his invitation to get personally acquainted as I grow my executive and leadership coaching business, carlgodlove.com.

Marshall’s Kentucky-roots hospitality and unassuming presence shows up when he answers the door to his California home in Rancho Santa Fe. Dressed in jeans, green polo and sneakers, he warmly welcomes me and makes me feel at home. Coffee in hand, Marshall speaks life into the artwork and artifacts he’s collected from his travels to nearly one hundred countries while accumulating over eleven million air miles! His personal history comes alive as we tour his beautiful home. Every piece has a story. One, especially, impacts me.

We pause for a time in front of a large photograph. A much younger Marshall, years ago in Africa, stands in the anxious presence of mothers waiting for the results of a simple test. A care worker measures biceps to determine which children will eat. Too large and they have enough reserve to forgo food now. Too small and there is no hope. Feeding these children will only serve to extend their inevitable demise; so they, too, will not eat. Food is reserved only for those within the range of measurement having the best chance of survival. Anguish and desperate love is written on the face of the mother whose child’s fate is in the hands of another. It is a powerful scene. Marshall relives this moment, bringing me into it with profound impact.

This isn’t a coaching moment per se, but it is a powerful teaching moment that follows me home. “See life through a new lens” is pinned to my vision board in my office. As I write this, my mental image of that photo sparks a thought. Life’s challenges can easily be seen through a lens we casually call “survival.” That lens, however, has a filter that masks the stark reality of real life-or-death survival. Marshall’s experience, shared through this photo, removes this filter. What we mindlessly call survival is nearly always little more than our attempts to keep what we have. Loss and change can deliver inconvenience, but they rarely serve up death. Seeing challenges through this unfiltered lens is perspective-changing. For some, it may even be life-changing.

Marshall generously shares fond memories and facts about his art and collections. Each piece seems to present a gateway to a memory, lesson or relationship that has enriched Marshall’s life and learning. I could easily listen all day, but the warm sun and cool air call, so we grab our jackets and water bottles and head out the door.

Marshall lives in paradise. Seriously. The homes, natural beauty and trails are stunning. It’s no wonder he has a morning walking routine. It offers an environment as comfortable and welcoming as Marshall himself. We start out on a quiet road and wind our way to trails that seem to make the development disappear. Our conversation takes on the cadence of our gait and begins to flow. Marshall shares in an easygoing, open, matter-of-fact way. It’s clear he appreciates these surroundings while not taking any of it too seriously as he cracks jokes about himself and his neighbors. One, a professional golfer, once asked, “So, Marshall, what’s your handicap?” When he responded, “34,” the neighbor laughed uproariously and repeated, “No, seriously Marshall, what’s your handicap?” Again, “34.” Marshall is reliving this moment as we walk, laughing hysterically at the “shock and awe” reaction of this PGA tour pro to a handicap he didn’t think possible.

Marshall’s genuine manner reminds me of my mother. It strikes me they would have gotten along and related well, and I share the common threads I notice as we walk. Marshall is a husband, father, grandfather, and dog owner. He grew up in Kentucky and has the Louisville Slugger® baseball bats to prove it. I tell Marshall that I can’t directly relate to growing up with an outhouse, but I can appreciate his childhood through my mother’s stories of her upbringing in West Virginia under similar circumstances. A generation apart, both Marshall and my mom built successful lives of service and good humor from the most modest beginnings that grounded them in gratitude and appreciation. Both rejected any notion of being a victim of their circumstances.

“Life is good.” “Let it go.” “Be happy now.” These could have come right from my mother’s mouth. And forms of them did. “Stop and smell the roses.” “When you look, see. When you listen, hear.” “I’ve never been bored; I don’t know what that is.” In other words, be present. Appreciate. Take it in. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. Marshall is a Buddhist, and though my mom didn’t wear that label, she definitely wore those clothes. And they both had significant mentors in their young lives, someone who held possibilities up that were beyond their view. Someone who inspired and encouraged them to stretch. For my mom, it was the dentist who employed her as an assistant when she was a teenager. He cheered her on, all the way through nursing school during World War II. For Marshall, it was Paul Hersey.

When Marshall speaks of Paul, you can feel his deep appreciation for this man and mentor. Paul, who passed in 2012, is well known for his work in the Management of Organizational Behavior. He and Ken Blanchard brought the Situational Leadership® Model to the world. Paul knew “extraordinary” when he saw it (my assumption) and he obviously saw it in Marshall (my observation). Trusting his instincts, Paul asked Marshall to stand in his place and lead a seminar because he was double-booked. Making $15,000 a year at the time, $1,000 for the day was pure gold. Marshall gave a resounding “YES!” and he had his work cut out for him. Before Marshall took the room, the client was, well, frankly pissed that Paul wasn’t presenting. They paid for Paul Hersey and they expected Paul Hersey! But Marshall delivered, receiving the highest speaker rating of the event with encores requested. Years later, Paul challenged Marshall to go against conventional wisdom. He asserted to Marshall that his current success was preventing him from creating a future that would challenge and engage him and fully apply his potential. Marshall took Paul’s advice. He backed away from the lucrative day-rate work that was both supporting and consuming him and refocused to create the extraordinary career and life of a global thought leader. Although our change agents couldn’t be more different, I totally relate to his reset. Like Marshall, I left comfortable success and entered the chrysalis of change to reinvent myself for a greater purpose.

Toward the end of our walk, a dark green Mercedes wagon slows down as it passes. Stopping beside us, the driver opens her window and leans toward us as Marshall steps closer to greet her. I assume they know one another until I hear Marshall introduce himself. The woman responds, “Oh, I know who you are. I wanted to thank you for this.” With that, she quotes something I can’t quite make out and Marshall smiles and acknowledges the truth in what she said. She ends with, “It has made all the difference in my life and I have shared this with so many friends.” Marshall reads the curiosity on my face as she drives off and repeats these words to me, “You have carried her all the way to the temple.” He goes on to explain.

Two monks are walking to a temple when they come upon a stream. A distraught young lady is standing on the bank. She can’t find a way across without ruining her beautiful silk dress. The elder monk has compassion for her. He picks her up, carries her to the other side and gently sets her down. The woman is grateful for his kindness. The younger monk follows in silence, but is clearly distressed. Arriving at the temple, the younger monk can contain himself no longer. “I can’t believe you carried that woman across the stream! We took a vow to never touch any woman, let alone pick one up and carry her as you did! I must report what you’ve done!” The elder monk turned to his companion, softened his gaze and calmly replied, “I left the woman back at the stream. You have carried her all the way to the temple.”

As this “let it go” story continues to resonate, it carries us back to Marshall’s home where he invites me to his den. Reflecting on our time together, he asks, “How can I help you?” I share the thoughts that arise in me; the ones that led me to him.

Looking back now, I realize they are succinctly expressed in two Jim Rohn quotes:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

“Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better.”

Sitting with Marshall, I begin with my belief that three things are required to be in inspiring company: 1) you must have a community, 2) where you aren’t the smartest person in the room, and 3) where you have the ability to both learn within it and contribute to it. Marshall leads such a community, sharing his lifetime of learning. We never know when or where the next member of our community might show up. The most significant, pivotal points in our life can be the simplest. Like Paul’s invitation to Marshall to stand in for him. Like Marshall’s invitation to me to take a walk with him. This is why I wanted to meet Marshall. This is why I wanted Marshall to meet me. I’m wondering how I can contribute to Marshall’s community of coaches and other thought leaders who are becoming skilled in his approach, applying it in their worlds, and paying it forward. I’m curious, and obviously driven, to explore possibilities that can help me make a difference.

Our lives are defined by the company we keep. Do you want to grow so you can have a bigger impact? Then spend time with people who want to grow so they can have a bigger impact. Spend time with people who have grown and have had the impact you wish to have. Spend time in a community of people with purpose. A community where you can learn and share in a circle of service to one another as you serve in your world. This is what I believe. This is what I value. This is what I want in a community.

Grateful and Curious. They’ve served me well. They still do. I’d even say they paved the way to Marshall’s door. I’m extremely grateful for our time together. Now, I’m equally curious about the possibilities of the path before me.

Thank you, Marshall. Life is good.

Meditation Links

Note: These are the original YouTube titles for these links. Claims made by the producers are theirs alone. Times, where noted, are approximate. I added the "Short Meditation Links" in response to requests from clients who were struggling to develop their meditation habit. The typical request was for for an "OM" style, unguided meditation around 10 minutes in length. It's a good way to start when you can't quiet your mind in silence.

Short Meditation Links

5 minutes
Mindfulness Bell - A 5 Minute Mindfulness Meditation

10 minutes
Om Namah Shivaya Japa - Meditation - Shiva Mantra Chanting| Shiva Chants| Indian Devotional Chanting
Om Mantra Meditation - Meditation rewires your brain for happiness
OM MANTRA MEDITATION | 11 Minutes
OM MANTRA ❂ SOUND OF THE UNIVERSE
Meditate To The Aum Sound - 10 Minute Meditation To The Tranquil Monk Sound AUM

15 minutes
15 Minute Super Deep Meditation Music: Relax Mind Body, Inner Peace, Relaxing Music, ☯2563B
OM Mantra with Theta binaural beats - Sacred Chanting for Deep Meditation

Longer Meditation Links

30 minutes
Free Hemi Sync Guided Meditation

Meditation YouTube Channels

Meditative Mind - Meditation Music

Do I Need a Coach?

You engage a coach for one simple reason
To create the future you desire
 

"Coaches are the companions of those who dare."

This may be the most elegant description of a coach I've encountered. It's attributed to my mentor and founder of Newfield Network, Julio Olalla, addressing an International Coach Federation conference. Sometimes, the only way forward is to jump off into the unknown. Not every journey is this dramatic, but if you've been called to jump, it's a very good idea to not go it alone.

Dramatic or not, all coaching journeys are forward-looking and guided by your agenda, continuously evolving and expanding. Envisioning your hoped-for future. Choosing outcomes to bring it about. Taking actions to produce these results. Along the way, your coach helps you to see and move through whatever stifles or limits your progress. You can enter at any point in this process, from dealing with a challenging situation, to fleshing out a plan for outcomes and action, to clearing whatever is obscuring your vision. But regardless of where or how you enter your coaching partnership, as you persist, your journey will take you to a continuously expanding horizon of possibilities.

Your Future

Creating Your Vision: Where do I want to go? And for the sake of what, do I want to go there?
Clarity is key to vision and clients arrive along a spectrum of clarity about their dream for the future. Some are crystal clear about the future they want. Some start with a picture missing pieces. And some come with very limited or no vision at all, knowing only that they don't want, or can't tolerate, more of the same. A coach works in all three realms and along the entire spectrum.

Your Outcomes

Defining Your Mission: What results must I achieve to advance me on my path toward my vision?
If you have no destination in mind, any road will do. Manifesting a specific future takes a bit more planning. Clients arrive along a spectrum of understanding of what must be done to improve their condition and move toward their desired future. Choosing outcomes designed to bring a vision to life draws on experience and imagination. Good coaches masterfully tap into your deep creative genius for your solutions.

Your Actions

Developing Your Plan: What actions must I take to produce these outcomes?
Having a plan of action is one thing. Executing it is quite another. Two factors impact the action you will or will not take to produce your outcomes - capability and willingness. Capability is a matter of competence and resourcefulness. Willingness is a matter of values and belief. And belief is key to your expansion. It sets the limit on your horizon of possibilities and defines your potential. Clients show up somewhere within a matrix of capability and willingness, from capable and willing, to incapable and unwilling, and everything inbetween. Capability can be acquired or delegated. Willingness, however, is exclusively yours. You own it, 100%. And it is grounded in beliefs. Beliefs you allow to govern your life. Beliefs that throttle and frustrate. Beliefs that propel and empower.

Your Change

Removing Your Obstacles: What's in my way and how must I change to move past it?
This is the richest coaching territory. On the surface, required change often appears as behavioral. But deeper, lasting change lives in your beliefs. Your beliefs define your world and how you move through it, shaping your behavior. They aren't your enemy, they're necessary. They provide stability and comfort and a foundation to build your life. But if a belief stands in the way of positive relationships and a future you desire, change is necessary. Uncovering this is a process of self-discovery. And the ability to facilitate this is the domain of a skilled ontological coach who will believe in their willing client until they can believe in themselves, turning the coach's "I believe in you," into the client's, "I believe in me!"

Throughout my life and career, one observation stands above all others as responsible for attracting me to coaching in general, and ontological coaching, in particular. Good intentions and perfect plans die a slow death under the suffocating weight of limiting beliefs. The defining moment in a coaching relationship is when the client, guided through deep, powerful inquiry and curiosity, wakes up to an awareness that changes everything. New eyes, new vision, new outcomes, new life. It looks like magic. And perhaps it is.

Could you benefit from having a coach? Probably. I believe most people would. There's a saying among professional coaches: "You can spot the coached."

Do you need a coach now? Only you can answer that question, so I'll keep the door open to a conversation. We can explore that possibility when you're ready, or before, if you dare.

The Prison of Your Mind

Sean Stephenson, like no other, has the power to express what it means to "be yourself" by shaking you awake from any dream of self-pity that is standing in your way. If there were such a thing as having a right to that insecure mindset, Sean could own it. But Sean couldn't be further from that disempowering way of being.

In this TEDx talk at Ironwood State Prison, Sean shares three life lessons at the core of this truth - we are both the actors and authors of our lives. We write the script. We live the play. We create it all. And it's up to us to direct our life, to make the very best of all we have to give from where we are, being uniquely who we are.

“I was born to rid this world of insecurity”

— Sean Stephenson

Lesson #1  Never believe a prediction that doesn't empower you

"When I was born, the doctors told my parents that I would be dead within the first 24 hours of my life... If you believe predictions that do not empower you, you will wither away and die, either physically die or your spirit will die...  I have a belief that has served me in my life, and that is that everyone is rooting for me to win, even those that do not know it. If somebody pities me, they're wasting their time... because I have chosen a life of strength... The moment you feel sorry for another person, or the moment you feel sorry for yourself, you're hosed. You're totally, completely frozen in potential. You must only listen to that which empowers you."

Lesson #2  You are not your condition

"I am not disabled... the only disability is one's refusal to adapt. You have to adapt to whatever environment you're in. And what does adaption look like? I think it looks like celebration. Because when you meet people that are celebrating their life, you want to be around them, you want to learn from them, you want to do business with them, you want to hire them. Because if I believe that I am disabled, I would wither up, I would be shy, I would be insecure, I would be afraid, I would act like I need your help. And the rest of humanity would be OK with that, but I choose something else, I choose to be strong, I choose to be a leader, I choose to have words to move this planet. I'll tell you why I was born. And I hope it inspires you to find out why you were born. I was born to rid this world of insecurity. Because when a human being is insecure, they do stupid stuff. When we feel like we're not enough, we chase external validation, and external objects to try to tell us we're enough. You are enough."

Lesson #3  The only prison is in your mind

"I've met so many people that are so extremely successful and famous that are in "prison" because they're stuck in their minds, bullying themselves, pitying themselves. True freedom is dropping down out of that mind... drop into your hearts. What is it doing? It's sending emotional possibilities, infinite possibilities of choice in our behavior, in our life, in our attitude. When you love yourself, whether you're sleeping on a prison cot, or in a mansion, whether you have food in your belly, or you don't know when your next meal is coming, when you love yourself, when you learn to master your emotions, then and only then are you free."

Meditation Basics

Why this Topic?

The topic of the disquieted mind comes up so often in my coaching that I decided to post this so I can periodically update it and refer clients to it. Feel free to share it if you know of someone who might benefit.

Why Meditate?

Why not? If you're as clear and calm as you wish to be, stop reading now and play Candy Crush (my favorite distraction). If not, a consistent, daily practice of meditation has a good chance, over time, of calming your inner voice and helping you gain the clarity you seek. Meditation has cumulative effects over days, weeks, months and years. It is scientifically proven to physiologically change the brain with the potential to bring lasting calm, clarity and peace. Like any new practice or habit, adoption requires consistency and patience. It must fit with your lifestyle and not be a burden to initiate and continuously practice. This is critical for the first 21 days of practice to develop the meditation habit.

Getting Started

One effective way to start is with a simple, 10-minute morning routine that you work into your schedule. If you don't have 10 minutes to spare in the morning, rise 10 minutes earlier. You'll be glad you did. I also suggest you begin to incorporate it into your evening ritual of winding down and going to sleep. More on that later.

How and Where

If you choose to make a study of meditation, you will quickly find that it is a rich, deep topic that can easily overwhelm. This completely defeats the goal for the new meditator. Just what you need - more stress to reduce your stress. So let's keep this simple. Find your quietest  space and sit in a comfortable position. Maintain a soft, downward gaze or close your eyes. Then remind yourself that trying to "empty your mind" is not only impossible, but pointless. The more you try to not think, the more you'll be thinking. So just don't think about that. When thoughts come to mind, allow them. Over time, they will change. That's the point. If you commit to this practice over days, weeks, and months, your meditation thoughts will shift from your grocery list, "bread," "eggs," "milk," "fruit loops," to ideas and insights you never thought possible. And if they don't, maybe you'll move from "fruit loops" to "oatmeal" and still be ahead. But the more likely outcome are feelings of peace, calm and even bliss. Seriously. And they will extend into your day. Not kidding.

Resources

There are countless meditation resources. The three I've used the most, in order of regularity, are: 1) apps from the iTunes Store (Google Play for Android); 2) YouTube; and 3) dedicated sites. A "meditation" search in Google yields over 170 million results and YouTube yields nearly 10 million. That's a lot of choice. And confusion. Consequently, I've learned a lot about the effect of meditation and aural input on the brain and consciousness, but that's another topic.

Complications in the App Space

Which leads me to how complicated this has become for the new meditator. I'll simplify it for you. As this industry grew, apps and sites went from simply facilitating the meditation experience one session at a time, to presenting themes for a purpose, like relaxation, sleep, focus, stress reduction, and on and on. Many have also promoted engagement by letting you keep track of your progress and joining a meditating community. Please, let's keep this simple so you don't give up before you even get started. These features aren't bad. They're just unnecessary for the beginner. And they're unnecessary for the masters. So yeah, maybe they are unnecessary. Let me meditate on that.

But before I do, I'm going to be fair to the well-intentioned people in this industry by mentioning one very popular app that has the extensive functionality described above - Headspace founded by Andy Puddicombe.

From the Headspace website:

Andy Puddicombe is a meditation and mindfulness expert. An accomplished presenter and writer, Andy is the voice of all things Headspace.

In his early twenties, midway through a university degree in Sports Science, Andy made the unexpected decision to travel to the Himalayas to study meditation instead. It was the beginning of a ten year journey which took him around the world, culminating with ordination as a Tibetan Buddhist monk in Northern India.

Andy transitioned back into lay life in 2004, founded Headspace, and now lives in Venice, California. He is a legitimate meditation expert with a solid app and platform. If you are more likely to stick with a program where you have feedback, social support and some outside guidance, Headspace may be for you. I did their 10-day free introductory program to check them out and I felt it was a solid introduction, requiring only 10 minutes a day. This type of program isn't for me personally, so I did not sign up for the paid option. If these elements are important to you and can make the difference between building your meditation muscle or not, by all means check it out.

Equipment

I feel a smartphone is best since it's portable and usually with you, but any computer that can run your apps of choice will do. If you want the benefit of binaural beats, explained below, headphones are required. If untimed silent meditation suits you, well then, you were born with all you need.

Styles of Meditation

Silent with a Timer

Silent is the "ideal" for meditation. It can also be the most challenging for the beginner.
The idea behind a timer should be, well, self-evident. But beyond the obvious, most meditation timer apps have a function that let you set a "delay" or "preparation time" and a "meditation time." Set the delay (perhaps 30 seconds), set the meditation time (say 10 minutes), and start the app. The delay gives you time to set the phone down and settle in before the "start" gong sounds. At the end of the meditation, the gong will go off again to bring you back.

• Suggested search: "meditation timer"

• Suggested app: Insight timer
  The Lite version is free, available on iPhone and Android, simple to use and very effective.

Sounds

Meditating while immersed in sound can block ambient noise and help scatter stray thoughts.
The sound options are many, including white noise, nature sounds, chimes, specific frequency tones, music, om chants and many others. Some apps let you choose a theme and others let you mix and match sounds to your liking. Some include binaural beats as an option (explained below).

• Suggested search: "meditation sounds"

• Suggested app for "set theme": Calm
  Can be used for sound only or with mesmerizing graphic scenes.
  I suggest sound only to start. But that's but me.

• Suggested app for "mix-n-match sound": Relax Melodies
  I love this app and it includes binaural beats if you wish to use them.

Binaural Beats

Binaural beats are purported to induce vibrational brain states through neural entrainment.
OK, that's a mouthful and an explanation is way beyond the scope of this post. If you want to explore this further, Centerpointe Research, the authors of Holosync Technology for brainwave entrainment using binaural beats, explains the fundamentals very well here:
http://www.centerpointe.com/articles/articles-research

Suffice it to say, some of the sound apps incorporate them as an option and I think they are very effective. Be aware, my opinion is not universal. Binaural beats may not suit you. Within my own family the decision is split. I love them. My wife hates them and reports they give her a headache.

• Suggested search: "binaural beats"
  Note: You will find skeptics. My suggestion? Ignore them. Binaural beats are effective.

• Suggested app: Sacred Acoustics Om
  This requires you to sign up on the site using your email, but it is worth it. I love this meditation. At 20 minutes, it is the perfect length for daily use and it does a great job of quickly bringing me into a meditative state. Don't forget that headphones are required for entrainment of the binaural beats.

Guided 

Guided meditations have an agenda.
Unlike silent meditation, which opens your mind to whatever possibilities exist for you in that moment, guided meditations direct the focus of your attention. They can be a very powerful means for addressing specific issues, or simply help you pull your focus away from your daily concerns.

The Monroe Institute has a nice offering of free, downloadable audio resources, including several guided meditations, at this link:
https://www.monroeinstitute.org/free-audio-downloads
Search for "A Hemi-Sync® FREE Guided Meditation" for a very effective 30-minute mind-clearing guided meditation. It is also available here on YouTube.

Before I leave this topic, I'd like to mention one particularly important application of guided Peter Russell meditation. If forgiveness is something that's challenging you, a meditation from the Monroe Institute was one of the best I've found. It is 20 minutes with long stretches of extraordinary music and just enough guidance to help calm, center, and focus your mind. I have listened to it fully awake and have also fallen asleep to it dozens of times. It is a powerful tool for the forgiveness of both yourself and others. Unfortunately, that particular meditation is no longer available on their site, but I do have a copy here you can use.

Breathe

Yes, I know. You already breathe. But you don't think about it, and you probably spend most of your day taking mindless shallow breaths. As you settle into your meditation, take a few deep, steady breaths to announce to your body that this is different. You are paying attention. This isn't another mindless daily activity. Then relax into your normal breath. Enough said. Breathe.

Start Empty or With Intent

When you enter a meditation, you can enter it for a specific purpose or with none at all, meaning you have no agenda except the meditation itself. You are open to whatever arises. This is the state I suggest for learning the practice. There is no pressure for a particular result because you aren't hoping for one. There will be times later when you do enter a meditation with an intent. It could be anything, from forgiveness to clarity about specific issue to peace about a concern.

To Journal or NOT To Journal

First a definition. Journaling: putting pen to paper and writing whatever comes to mind. Unfiltered. Unedited. Swear words and all. I include this section on journaling because meditation is one of its best and most effective enablers. Journaling is an amzing tool for self discovery, but many people initially find it difficult. The reason for this is the internal, incessant conscious dialog in our head that will not shut up. Meditation quiets this chatter and gives our subconscious a chance to speak. Truths hidden under this noise have a chance to emerge and be heard. So once you get comfortable with your meditation practice, I strongly urge you to incorporate journaling with it. My practice is to meditate silently in the morning for 20 minutes, followed by 20 minutes of journaling. Both are timed, and I can attest to the fact that the 20 minutes of journaling flies by. I always find I have far more to write than I have time.

If you choose not to journal, keep something handy to record, afterward, significant thoughts or impressions that come to you during your meditation. They won't come every time; but when they do, record them before they fade away. Reflecting on them over time can spark valuable insight.

Sleep

Sleep problems are epidemic. Many clients express that nighttime sleep does not come easily. Their minds race and it can take hours to settle down. Taking on sleep like a project will be, well, just another task to occupy your mind. The very topic and related stress of trying to “master” sleep… need I say more. So let’s not make sleep a project. Instead, if sleep is a challenge for you, simply add one practice and one learning activity in support of your gentle shift in your relationship to sleep.

The practice is the 10-minute meditation mentioned above. Do it somewhere, anywhere, toward the end of your day. Wherever and whenever is up to you, but remember that habits form around consistency, so I suggested experimenting for a while and then settling into something that feels good to you. You can even experiment with seated and lying down. You may find lying down can tend to put you to sleep. I wouldn’t burden the practice with that expectation, but I'd certainly welcome it if it does.

The learning activity is a podcast worth listening to a few times. It is an episode from “The Beautiful Writers Podcast” entitled “Arianna Huffington: Revolutionizing Sleep for Creativity (... and everything else).” The podcast's focus is writing, but this particular episode is phenomenal, as is Arianna Huffington (of “The Huffington Post”) on the topic of sleep. If you are struggling with your relationship with sleep, you are not alone. I recommend you download it to your phone to give you easy access, but you can easily listen to it from any browser. It's 27 minutes. The hosts discuss the topic in their lives for the first 12 minutes and then Arianna joins the conversation for the remaining 15:

• From itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/beautiful-writers-podcast/id1047012231?mt=2

• Online: https://soundcloud.com/user-780938996/arianna-huffington-revolutionizing-sleep-for-creativity-and-everything-else

• And here’s more sleep resources from Arianna Huffington:
  http://ariannahuffington.com/sleep-resources
  http://ariannahuffington.com/books/the-sleep-revolution-hc

Final Thoughts

• Keep it super simple to form the habit

• Use a timer to sit in silence for 10 minutes each morning and just breathe

• If silence is difficult for you, try one of the short meditations found here: Meditation Links

• Keep paper and pen handy to record insights at the end even if you don't journal

• Do it

  • Do it - Day 1

  • Do it - Day 2

  • Do it - again and again until you've done it 21 mornings in a row

  • If you miss a morning, start over (sorry, no exceptions)

• On Day 22, extend this to 20 minutes

• Then, when you're ready, add 20 minutes of journaling following your meditation

  • Don't wait forever to begin journaling

  • Yes, I know it's another 20 minutes

  • But you've already carved out 20

  • You can carve out 20 more

Sit with openness during your meditation and journaling. You will be amazed at what shows up. The time will fly by. Do it every day. Make it a goal. Make it a habit. Your subconscious mind will work overtime for you when it knows this is coming each and every day.